I'm shrinking! But it's a good thing.

I have been down this weight gain road so many times in my life that I can drive it with my eyes closed.

It came as no surprise to me last November, when I took my biometric fit test at work, that the overweight nurse told ME that I needed to make some changes. It was the worst I had ever felt in my life, both physically and mentally, and was my proverbial wake-up call.  1-800-YOU R FAT.

As a rolled out of the room at 184 pounds, with a 40-inch waistline, I was embarrassed and pissed off.  How had I got to this point? I had let myself go, there was no denying that, and I looked like crap.

Even though I have always been physically active, and consider myself somewhat athletic, my weight has been a constant issue over my lifetime since about the age of 8. My brother claims it all started after I had my tonsils removed. All I know is that my body started gaining weight. Of course, it might have been my love of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and mom's chocolate chip cookies. Who knows?

As an adult, I fell into a familiar cycle of gain and lose. I'd get fit, stop exercising, gain a bunch of weight, lose it all, gain it all back plus a few more pounds, lose it again, gain back more. The classic weight struggle story.

You know how you can remember specific times in your life by the music of the era; well, I can tell you if I was fat or thin, depending on the year. 1979-1984: despite drinking a lot of beer in college, I managed to maintain a weight of around 135 pounds; 1984-1987: moved to Yuma, AZ., gained 23 pounds, started running, dropped 30 pounds. 1987-1991: pretty good stretch for me... maintained weight around 145; 1992-1994: gained 15 pounds. 1994-2000: dropped 20 pounds and maintained weight with the help of noon basketball regime. 2000-2003: stopped exercising again, gained back 25 pounds. 2003-2006: started running again, went on Atkins diet, dropped the weight, felt amazing! 2006- 2009: took management position in company, sitting at desk all day, gained 35 pounds.

Packing 35 pounds onto a barely 5'7 inch frame is kind of hard to ignore.  My pant size creaped from 32 to 36 inches (and was pushing 38 at a freightening rate), my shirt size expanded from medium to XL, and my chin from 1 to 2.  I had also grown some awesome man-boobs (I know, gross!).

So, that brings me back to last November. As was the normal routine, I made a goal to lose the weight by a specific date. I started on December 1 and managed to drop 4 pounds despite the Holiday season.

Realizing that I needed more help, I turned to a rather non-traditional source for men - WeightWatchers.  Their sensible approach to eating, combined with a leader who makes attending the meetings enjoyable, jump started my road back to a healthy life. I entered that first meeting with a lot of apprehension, and the fear of being the only guy in the room. After a few weeks though, I knew I had found a place of solace.

Since Janaury 4, 2010, I have been running 3-4 times a weeks, sticking to the WW point system, and walking almost everday after work with Julie. Speaking of Julie, she has lost 15+ pounds. The long walks have been great for our health, but also great for the relationship. We are a team. 

At our April 6 meeting I weighed in at 154.8 pounds - 25 pounds lost in 14 weeks! As I received my 25-pound award, all I could think about was that day in November. That nurse did me a favor, as much as I felt ashamed to be hearing it from her.       

I still have five more pounds until I reach my goal weight, and then the hard work begins - they call it maintenance. It's where I have always failed in the past, but I am done failing.

Cat's in the Cradle

Remember the song Cat's in the Cradle, by Harry Chapin? Harry wrote and sang this song for his son, but I think there are parts of the song that transcend gender... especially the part about his child coming home from college. I mention this because I am going through the parental pangs of missing Lindsay, who has been away at school for exactly 10 days. It gets a little easier each day, but the hole in my life is still there. What I never realized, as I prepared myself for her heading off to school in Oregon, was how much I loved sitting and talking to her. Her intelligence and knowledge made that easy... .  I think I took the simple act of "talking" to Lindsay for granted. As I sit around at night, when occassionally I could get her to sit still and talk for a few minutes, I find myself missing those conversations with her, and wanting to call... but knowing that I need to give her the space to be free and on her own.  I am sure she would roll her eyes to hear me say that, and say "awww dad!"
The biggest hole, I have quickly come to realize, is the lack of the sound of music in the house.... singing, to be more specific. You see, ever since Linz was a little girl (I am talking 3 years old), we have been blessed by the sound of her voice echoing throughout the house. Whatever room she was in, there was singing. Whatever task she was performing, there was singing... .
She called the other day while I was at work and I immediatey knew by the joy in her voice what she was about to tell me.. "dad.... I got the part! I am in the show."   It was a call I have received many times at work over the years as she auditioned for her high school plays, went to the call back, and then found out the good news. I love getting those calls. The difference this time is that I would not be able to come home and give her a big congratulations hug... pang times 10.
So, I continue to struggle with my dad emotions, knowing that Linz is going to be great and do great things - I just won't be able to catch her and talk to her about "life" for a few minutes every now and then.

The wonder of Facebook

I know my kids think it's weird that their dad has a Facebook page, but for me, it has been a great way to reconnect with old friends and share pictures with relatives.

I still don't quite understand all the stuff that pops up on my Facebook page, or how I can click on someone's name and end up seeing other's people's pictures and "posts." That doesn't feel quite right, actually.

I do, however, find it amazing that childhood friends and old classmates can find each other after 30+ years. Last month, a neighbor who grew up next door to us posted about 30 pictures of various old neighbor kids, adults and birthday parties.

What was interesting about those pictures was that the faces were frozen in time. It was exactly how I remembered my friends - smiling, no worries or cares in the world.

As I paged through the photo album, the nostalgia was powerful. I could smell the warm, muggy Michigan summer nights, which were filled with sleep-outs, kick the can and hide and go seek. I could feel the bitter cold of the winter and remember the thrill of zooming down Fisher's hill, where every night the neighborhood kids gathered to go sledding.

I don't remember the Fishers, but they must have been very special people to let 20 kids play in their yard every day during the winter.

The pictures that were most intriguing were the adults. The moms looked like every picture you see of moms from the 70s, and all the dads were dressed in suits and ties. They would have been about the age I am right now, I was guessing. I think it would be cool to go back and relive those years - I would not change one thing.

A day to forget

I generally feel I am pretty well equipped to handle most of the cards I am dealt in life.
Today, however, the house won.
My day started out having to lay off an employee. This was not just any employee; he was my mentor when I first started my career as a safety professional, and he was also a friend.
When I decided I wanted to take on the challenge of entering middle management, I never quite imagined this day or scenario. Simply put - it sucked.
I have not slept well for the past two weeks anticipating this morning, and I am pretty sure the family has been wondering why I've been even more moody and grumpy than usual.
Tonight, I found out that a friend who is stricten with cancer has 60 days to live. If this were a boxing match, that news was the knock out punch. It landed squarely on my chin. Lights out. No chance to do the rope-a-dope.
So, when I called home tonight to talk to mom and check in on dad's health status I was braced for a couple more punches. I guess the big guy upstairs figured I had dealt with enough crap for one day, because the news from home was actually not bad. Aside from the fact that dad is terrorizing the hallways in his motorized wheel chair, everything is status quo at Avamere Assisted Living Facility.
The night did end on a positive note as Linday baked some of her infamous brownies. Nothing like chocolate to wipe away the blahs.

Parents

Went to Salem last week for Lindsay's orientation at WOU. The date she leaves for school is hurdling toward us and there is no way to stop it. After seeing her walking around the campus and interacting with the other kids, I am excited for her to start her life in Oregon. The joy in her eyes and voice after the day had ended was so wonderful.

At the other end of the spectrum is the impending end of my dad's journey through life. His health is steadily declining and his quality of life has eroded to the point where I just feel so pained and sorry for him. His days are spent sleeping and waiting for the clock to strike 11 and 5 - signaling meal time. Five o'clock is also special to dad because that's the time mom comes into see him and eat dinner with him. As he lay in bed, struggling to draw oxygen into his crippled lungs, his eyes twinkled when mom walked into room. It was touching, heartbreaking and a memory I will cherish forever.

As I left the care facility, every memory of dad flashed through my mind like a slide show. Michigan, our house on Sherman Road, his groovy black-rimmed glasses, his crazy, unorthodox 1970s golf swing, central Michigan, his stern way when it came to grades, summer vacations, winter time, driving to grandma Brumm's house, mom and dad's bridge parties, Farm Bureau events, 1977 - the year we moved to Oregon, our first house in West Salem, their dream home at Illahe, my countless rounds of golf at Illahe, central Oregon vacations - the last round of golf I played with dad at Eagle Crest Golf Course in 2000. That's the day I realized his life was no longer going to be the same. Mine, either, it turns out. Even though golfing with dad could be frustrating because of all his mulligan rules, he was always ready and willing to go play when asked. After 2000, when they came down to San Diego for the winter, there would be no golf.

Not only had smoking robbed dad of the biggest joy in his life (besides mom), it had robbed me of a winter golf partner who was as competitive as they come and wanted to win, badly, everytime he tee'd it up. Friggin' cigarettes!!

Twilight Golf

Is there anything as peaceful and relaxing as a round of twilight golf?

My love of twilight golf began at Lake Isabella Golf Course during our family summer vacations in central Michigan. It has never ended.

I got to play my first twilight round of the summer tonight, with Lindsay Lou. That made the day twice as special, because it was just father-daughter time... a couple hours together that means more to me than she will ever realize.

Good day at work... working on my manager skills, strategic planning skills and general business stuff. I am never bored because there is so much more to learn about management, managing people and leading. Our LEAD Training group met for the first time since our week of manager training in April. It was good to see and talk to everyone about what they had been doing since the training.

Hint for the day: Don't eat Carl's Junior Chicken Strips! Something ain't right with those things!

Just saw an amazing performance on America's Got Talent... country singer. Dang!

Graduation

Today was Lindsay's last day of high school. Where oh where did the time go?

Honest to God, it seems like yesterday that she was learning to ride a bike and stepping on stage at the Avo for her first play.

The nostalgia is rolling over me in waves as her graduation day gets closer. Every chapter of Linz' life has been a wonderful journey, and I can't wait to see how the college chapter plays out. She is a wonderful young woman and deserves all the best in life.