Cat's in the Cradle

Remember the song Cat's in the Cradle, by Harry Chapin? Harry wrote and sang this song for his son, but I think there are parts of the song that transcend gender... especially the part about his child coming home from college. I mention this because I am going through the parental pangs of missing Lindsay, who has been away at school for exactly 10 days. It gets a little easier each day, but the hole in my life is still there. What I never realized, as I prepared myself for her heading off to school in Oregon, was how much I loved sitting and talking to her. Her intelligence and knowledge made that easy... .  I think I took the simple act of "talking" to Lindsay for granted. As I sit around at night, when occassionally I could get her to sit still and talk for a few minutes, I find myself missing those conversations with her, and wanting to call... but knowing that I need to give her the space to be free and on her own.  I am sure she would roll her eyes to hear me say that, and say "awww dad!"
The biggest hole, I have quickly come to realize, is the lack of the sound of music in the house.... singing, to be more specific. You see, ever since Linz was a little girl (I am talking 3 years old), we have been blessed by the sound of her voice echoing throughout the house. Whatever room she was in, there was singing. Whatever task she was performing, there was singing... .
She called the other day while I was at work and I immediatey knew by the joy in her voice what she was about to tell me.. "dad.... I got the part! I am in the show."   It was a call I have received many times at work over the years as she auditioned for her high school plays, went to the call back, and then found out the good news. I love getting those calls. The difference this time is that I would not be able to come home and give her a big congratulations hug... pang times 10.
So, I continue to struggle with my dad emotions, knowing that Linz is going to be great and do great things - I just won't be able to catch her and talk to her about "life" for a few minutes every now and then.

The wonder of Facebook

I know my kids think it's weird that their dad has a Facebook page, but for me, it has been a great way to reconnect with old friends and share pictures with relatives.

I still don't quite understand all the stuff that pops up on my Facebook page, or how I can click on someone's name and end up seeing other's people's pictures and "posts." That doesn't feel quite right, actually.

I do, however, find it amazing that childhood friends and old classmates can find each other after 30+ years. Last month, a neighbor who grew up next door to us posted about 30 pictures of various old neighbor kids, adults and birthday parties.

What was interesting about those pictures was that the faces were frozen in time. It was exactly how I remembered my friends - smiling, no worries or cares in the world.

As I paged through the photo album, the nostalgia was powerful. I could smell the warm, muggy Michigan summer nights, which were filled with sleep-outs, kick the can and hide and go seek. I could feel the bitter cold of the winter and remember the thrill of zooming down Fisher's hill, where every night the neighborhood kids gathered to go sledding.

I don't remember the Fishers, but they must have been very special people to let 20 kids play in their yard every day during the winter.

The pictures that were most intriguing were the adults. The moms looked like every picture you see of moms from the 70s, and all the dads were dressed in suits and ties. They would have been about the age I am right now, I was guessing. I think it would be cool to go back and relive those years - I would not change one thing.

A day to forget

I generally feel I am pretty well equipped to handle most of the cards I am dealt in life.
Today, however, the house won.
My day started out having to lay off an employee. This was not just any employee; he was my mentor when I first started my career as a safety professional, and he was also a friend.
When I decided I wanted to take on the challenge of entering middle management, I never quite imagined this day or scenario. Simply put - it sucked.
I have not slept well for the past two weeks anticipating this morning, and I am pretty sure the family has been wondering why I've been even more moody and grumpy than usual.
Tonight, I found out that a friend who is stricten with cancer has 60 days to live. If this were a boxing match, that news was the knock out punch. It landed squarely on my chin. Lights out. No chance to do the rope-a-dope.
So, when I called home tonight to talk to mom and check in on dad's health status I was braced for a couple more punches. I guess the big guy upstairs figured I had dealt with enough crap for one day, because the news from home was actually not bad. Aside from the fact that dad is terrorizing the hallways in his motorized wheel chair, everything is status quo at Avamere Assisted Living Facility.
The night did end on a positive note as Linday baked some of her infamous brownies. Nothing like chocolate to wipe away the blahs.

Parents

Went to Salem last week for Lindsay's orientation at WOU. The date she leaves for school is hurdling toward us and there is no way to stop it. After seeing her walking around the campus and interacting with the other kids, I am excited for her to start her life in Oregon. The joy in her eyes and voice after the day had ended was so wonderful.

At the other end of the spectrum is the impending end of my dad's journey through life. His health is steadily declining and his quality of life has eroded to the point where I just feel so pained and sorry for him. His days are spent sleeping and waiting for the clock to strike 11 and 5 - signaling meal time. Five o'clock is also special to dad because that's the time mom comes into see him and eat dinner with him. As he lay in bed, struggling to draw oxygen into his crippled lungs, his eyes twinkled when mom walked into room. It was touching, heartbreaking and a memory I will cherish forever.

As I left the care facility, every memory of dad flashed through my mind like a slide show. Michigan, our house on Sherman Road, his groovy black-rimmed glasses, his crazy, unorthodox 1970s golf swing, central Michigan, his stern way when it came to grades, summer vacations, winter time, driving to grandma Brumm's house, mom and dad's bridge parties, Farm Bureau events, 1977 - the year we moved to Oregon, our first house in West Salem, their dream home at Illahe, my countless rounds of golf at Illahe, central Oregon vacations - the last round of golf I played with dad at Eagle Crest Golf Course in 2000. That's the day I realized his life was no longer going to be the same. Mine, either, it turns out. Even though golfing with dad could be frustrating because of all his mulligan rules, he was always ready and willing to go play when asked. After 2000, when they came down to San Diego for the winter, there would be no golf.

Not only had smoking robbed dad of the biggest joy in his life (besides mom), it had robbed me of a winter golf partner who was as competitive as they come and wanted to win, badly, everytime he tee'd it up. Friggin' cigarettes!!

Twilight Golf

Is there anything as peaceful and relaxing as a round of twilight golf?

My love of twilight golf began at Lake Isabella Golf Course during our family summer vacations in central Michigan. It has never ended.

I got to play my first twilight round of the summer tonight, with Lindsay Lou. That made the day twice as special, because it was just father-daughter time... a couple hours together that means more to me than she will ever realize.

Good day at work... working on my manager skills, strategic planning skills and general business stuff. I am never bored because there is so much more to learn about management, managing people and leading. Our LEAD Training group met for the first time since our week of manager training in April. It was good to see and talk to everyone about what they had been doing since the training.

Hint for the day: Don't eat Carl's Junior Chicken Strips! Something ain't right with those things!

Just saw an amazing performance on America's Got Talent... country singer. Dang!

Graduation

Today was Lindsay's last day of high school. Where oh where did the time go?

Honest to God, it seems like yesterday that she was learning to ride a bike and stepping on stage at the Avo for her first play.

The nostalgia is rolling over me in waves as her graduation day gets closer. Every chapter of Linz' life has been a wonderful journey, and I can't wait to see how the college chapter plays out. She is a wonderful young woman and deserves all the best in life.

Proud Father

Tonight was the opening of Lindsay's spring show "Footloose." It never ceases to amaze me how Mr. Scott and Ms. Kollar put these incredible shows together in such a short time. And my daughter, Lindsay Marie Jolliff, never ceases to amaze me with her stage prescence and mad talent. I am sure every parent swells with pride when watching their child perform, whether it's sports, academics or the arts. I am just glad that I get to watch Lindsay do what she does. It was extra special tonight because John, Reb, Ben and Cristy are in town and got to see Lindsay perform for the first time.
She was so excited about them coming down to see her, and she did not disappoint; nor did the show. It was well done.
I won Padres tickets at the Silent Auction and John won the framed artwork for the show and gave it to Linz.
Over the course of the last few months, I feel so blessed to have gotten to know Ruth Leader and Seymour Prell, the Oceanhills liaisons for our shows. What an incredible couple of people. Is it weird to want to hang out and talk to 80 year olds?
Well, I am tired and we got a lot to do over the next 5 days....
I am a proud father.